I’ve said it before, and made myself a liar. I was ending a hiatus or “break” at some point in the near future. I didn’t. I just ended up forcing myself to make promises I wasn’t truly able to keep. Not because of any malicious intent, or purposeful irresponsibility. I just didn’t know what I needed to do. Ever feel like that? Like you should do something, and end up saying you were going to do it, but later regretted promising? Truth is I was dishonest with myself. Things in life got wonky and I didn’t know what I should do?
Instead of trying to communicate the nature of my life’s wonkiness, I tried to pretend everything would be fine by a certain date or time. No way that was possible. I also didn’t want to tell everybody about personal problems. Not again. I did that, and I received incredible support and help that kept me and my family from being buried alive. I can’t ever fully convey how much my family and I appreciated that help. It made such a huge difference. Unfortunately it didn’t resolve everything completely. I couldn’t possibly ask again, or even appear to be hinting at it. I knew I couldn’t even let on that major issues remained. My reasoning was that it’s my problem, I got a lot of help, amazing support, and there are things I just couldn’t bring myself to put back out in the open. I had to deal with the remaining obstacles myself. I’m very sorry to have done it so mysteriously without even telling people I consider friends. Didn’t want to bother you, you all have your own things to cope and deal with.
Anyway, for what it’s worth that’s my thought process on it all. More or less. 🙂
So what happened? Ugh. It’s a long story, but let me assure you (if you happen to care) it was just the way it goes sometimes. Life happened. I took the time I needed to confront it, and for the most part, resolve it. Cleared my head, tackled the challenges, hit it with everything I had. Now I am feeling stable and balanced. Happy and encouraged. Not without challenges, but not overwhelmed by any. Back to being me. If you’d still have me, I’d like to get back to being part of the amazing iOS music community.
Thanks again for the great support. Sorry if it seemed like I just gave up or abandoned everything. I just had to sort things out.